Thailand

Where do you start? That was the big question. Every reel and You Tube video says the same thing, `you haven`t seen Thailand if you miss here, here, here, here , here and here.` I could start to name a few, but they would be words on a page unless you plan to go. Blue skies, palm trees, secluded islands, quiet beautiful beaches. A million must sees. Best food in the world. Nicest people. The list of reasons to come to Thailand are endless. And Elephants. Must not forget the Elephants.

Bangkok

When ridiculously cheap flights from Siem Reap to Chiang Mai added another £180 to the cost of the flight purely for luggage, we quickly jumped to Plan B and caught a very nice bus to Bangkok instead. (very nice bus, comfort stops, nice clean roomy bathroom on board free coffee, wifi and exceptionally comfortable seats) we were very happy on this occasion to bus not fly. Having been swayed by yet another endless stream of Instagram (curse you) videos, showing a sparkling wonderful bright lights big city, interspersed with beautiful temples and must see iconic places, I have to say I was struck. Now, where to stay? Bangkok is huge, and incidentally if Google is to be believed, the most visited city in the world. Sukhumvit area came recommended and there I chose. Turns out even Sukhumvit has many different areas and quite frankly our area was in the middle of sod all. Desperate for a little bit of decent home cooked bunny fodder I was severely challenged by Mr Bunny requesting a kitchen, another reason our chosen apartment with fully fitted kitchen was picked. Supermarket nearby turned out to be local corner shop. Fully fitted meant I had 2 spoons, 2 forks, and a large spoon. A singular pan and a frying pan, with a spatula and knife being added by the caretaker on request. Compared to some places I dare say this flat would have been someone`s dream home, but, and I apologise for sounding a little bit snobbish, 2 pans, appalling wifi (a necessary curse) microwave and settee 12" from a tv that did not have Netflix, does not a home make. With a one and half hours trip on public transport to get anywhere even close to central, we managed one night only and checked out. Prior to leaving we spent several hours researching exactly where we wanted to be and what we desired. It came down to a choice of two, with an executive decision made by Mrs B, that Chillax Hotel was the place to be.

An hour later in the most horrific traffic you have ever seen, we finally arrived in the area of Khao San road. Any review would tell you this is backpacker central with seedy bars interspersed with real gems. We need to confirm that we are out of season, its monsoon rainy weather, much quieter than usual, and our hotel was `on the outskirts of` and not in the middle of, Khao San road. Not a single backpacking hippie did we see. Apart from the bedroom being separated from the bathroom by a very large double bath and a curtain (quite bizarre) we really did land ourselves a very nice hotel. A minor grrr, when the hotel manager asked from where we had just come and I said Sukhumvit his response of `oh, such a lovely place, beautiful shops, fabulous restaurants` very nearly earned him a whack on the nose. When I added `71` he (phew) quickly added,` Ahhh, that`s quite a long way out` I forgave him and his nose remained intact.

The reality of Bangkok. Traffic. We found out too late that the traffic in Bangkok is just horrendous. Barely moving and stationary traffic is a thing. You go nowhere fast. Even mopeds and scooters get held up with the sheer volume of vehicles on the road. No matter how nice that Temple is, how stunning the park is, unless you want to battle both the heat and the traffic, the temptation to avoid both is understandable. Our trip has been long and our patience for temples and the endless taking your shoes on and off all day long is just plain tedious. Also, and I know my opinion will annoy too many people, but quite frankly once you have seen one really nice temple, they quickly look very samey samey. We are both physically challenged, and therefore wear secure shoes not flip flops. We fully understand why just about everyone in Asia wears slip on shoes, or shoes with broken backs, we get it, but we cant, and the constant on and off, is beginning to irk us. Bangkok does have, or at least I have been told, a very good metro system. With a lot more time, patience and a willingness to look, we could probably have seen a lot more using both the metro and the river boats.

Jim Thompson House. Doesn`t this sound odd and out of place? A must see place in the centre of Bangkok. This was one of only a few places that we pulled out all the stops to see. It came not just highly recommended, but recommended by a young Canadian guy who was quite in raptures over it. Lucky for us, it was easily accessible using the waterway. We walked the canal, crossed the 6 lane highway to the river, and caught the river boat that whizzed up the canal at quite an alarming speed, dropping us off almost at the door of Jim Thompson house. Jim Thompson was an American, very clearly wealthy and well educated, who was sent to Thailand during the war years. He loved what he saw, decided to build his house there, and along with it introduced the world to the beautiful silks of Thailand. The house he had built is just beautiful. Made of wood, and filled with some of the most unique ornaments, it is quite a joy to wander around. A cross between Thai living and western comforts, the house is quite simply a stunning wooden home. All three bunnies felt like all it needed was an invitation to stay, and the invitation would have been accepted there and then. Jim Thomson however did not leave the house voluntarily, nor did it become a museum due to his death. He disappeared during a trip to Malaysia in 1967, and was never heard of again. His only distant relatives felt the house was too much of a burden to maintain, and handed it over to equivalent of the Thailand National Trust to become a living museum. The silks that his factory produced captured the eye of a film producer, and were the garments worn in the original film The King and I, with the legendary Yul Brynner.

Next on our list was the Gold Buddha. I could tell you which temple, but I wont, as the temple itself is nothing special, but the story of the gold Buddha is. In a nut shell, a large Buddha was built, worshipped for many years, then during a temple refit, a large chunk of the plaster buddha was broken off revealing what appeared to be another Buddha underneath this shell. On closer inspection, and with all the plaster removed, they found a solid gold 5.5 tonne Buddha underneath. We had to see for ourselves what a 5.5 tonne solid gold Buddha looked like. Not sure why I was expecting security like Fort Knox, I mean seriously, its not like you can stick five and half tonnes of gold under your arm and walk out. I did however expect a little more than a security camera and a grumpy old woman who screeched at anyone who dared take a photo whilst seated on the mat in front of said Buddha. She said nothing to a hundred tourists taking photo whilst not on the carpet, but on the carpet? whoa big trouble. This Buddha has earned itself a mention in the Guiness Book of Records as an objective of intrinsic value.

Siam One/One Siam, a shopping mall. Our taxi driver told us about the malls as we came from the airport. He asked if we had come to shop because Bangkok is obsessed (oh how I hate that over used silly word, but it was his word) with Malls. Not hard to see why. Little Bunny spent time at Paragon, whilst we loved the Siam One that was nearer to us. What an utterly stunning, multi level, with mini levels and mezzanines, shopping Mall. If you believe Instagram hype, the waterfall is a must see. Its a water feature, whoopy do. There are bigger and better anywhere and everywhere. Just once take it from me, its not worth the hype or the fuss. Yes, its nice, but so what. As we don`t particularly need or want anything from Gucci or Balenciaga at this moment in time, we spent most of time wandering around the lower floors and the food halls. Here you find the best clean street food, made in clean sterile pans, with fridges in use. There are also all the nice arty stalls with handmade objects that are a little more tasteful than the usual t.s. I have struggled badly with the food in Asia, and these stalls suited me. I was able to find more simple dishes such as the Bao Buns, Gyozas, Egg buns, pineapple rice and the mango sticky rice ( saw, didn`t try) There was also a stall that sold fried bugs and scorpions on skewers, and hey guess what! I walked away of course! I did have a momentary stop at the rotisserie crocodile stall, pausing just long enough to take a photo and left well alone. I have very odd views of what should or should not be eaten. I can just about live with cow, chicken, pig and lamb, but other meats such as crocodile, horse, rabbit and anything at all with either more than 4 legs or non at all don`t sit very well with me. Not that I actually eat meat at the best of times, I hasten to add that whilst I am not vegetarian, I do prefer anything without meat, but if you add well cooked parts of white meat of chicken, I wont refuse.

Our last visit in Bangkok, and the visit that finished off my patience, was our walk to Bangkok Palace. Even now as I write this, my heckles are rising. We walked towards the palace knowing it wasn`t far. I even said to Mr B, I bet we get told its closed, being repainted, closed for lunch, closed on Sundays, or any other excuses. I said it!! I said it out loud. While amiably wandering on the road, we got approached. "are you going to the Palace?" yes. `"its over there, you need to cross at the junction and walk down towards the left" sounds about right, so we thanked him and proceeded to walk. "Sorry,guys," he shouts, I should have told you, It is closed on Sunday for the Buddhists Monks to Pray, and it opens at 1pm" Why oh why oh why did my inner me not smell a rat? My Bunny, always a little too happy to be pleasant and accommodating, listened to the spiel, to the fact that the palace was definitely open later, only government run tuk tuks have yellow number plates, and they are the ones that are paid for by the government and therefore cost the least money, so any trip should cost 100 baht only and why don`t we pass a little time by going to x y and z temples first? He wrote the temples down on a list, in very scruffy writing, and hailed us a yellow number plated tuk tuk who just so happened to be driving past......(please tell me you smell a rat!) and Yes, we got in. The moment we got into the seat, and the pleasantries started, that rat appeared under my nose. Yes, we absolutely did go to a temple, with absolutely no other tourists in sight. A sure sign its not a temple of interest. Second stop? A bloody silk shop! We had fallen foul again of the tuktuk scam of `its a tour`,but one that you don`t mind that I am going to take you to either a silk shop, or jewellery shop, where you will be expected to spend between 6 and 10 mins minimum` before we go to any other place of interest. This time Mrs B pulled no punches and told both shop owner and driver that we had no intention in spending time or money in a shop `just because` Those bunny ears were flapping and both paws were pounding the ground in anger. Mrs B dragged away the sheepish Mr B , after all it was he who got us talked into the darn tour, back into the tuk tuk and demanded that we went to the `closed` Palace right now! One exceptionally annoyed tuktuk driver (and frankly I didn`t care) dropped us at the palace gates at 11.30am, and hey guess what, no surprise, it was open to the General Public. My snarky comment fell on deaf Thai ears, when I pointed this out. We are seasoned travellers, and still got caught out. The ride itself was just a couple of pounds, but its the being lied to that really got my bunny whiskers motoring.

We did have another pleasant day out that I forgot about, to a Cat Cafe. We did pigs in Japan, the pigs all loving Mr B but totally disliking both Mrs and Little B, so I thought maybe I would do better with cats? It was quite some distance away down a little side street in some quiet suburb of Bangkok that we found the cutest set of cats ever. We entered the shop and after having our hands, feet and oddly backsides sprayed (don`t ask we don`t know) we were then each given a spoon and sachet of fish oil paste. We sat down and were instantly surrounded by about fifteen of the most adorable looking puddy tats you have ever seen, all could have been the next Shrek sidekick Puss in Boots. The jumped on our laps, stood on two feet pawing at the spoon with the paste, and purred in sheer bliss as they each nibbled and licked at this fishy smelly paste. We were surrounded by cute cats, right until the last nibble of the cat paste, then each and every one of those cats vanished quicker than a $100 dollar bill in Disney. Poof, gone! Back to their beds, to the other side of the room, to a box, anywhere apart from near us. The staff gave us cat toys, feathers on bendy poles, flash lights, little strings of wool, wow, if looks could kill lol. You could dangle these toys where ever you like, and the look of pure disdain stared back at you. Even touching the nose of any pussy cat with a feather didn`t even produce a blink or a twitch. You have never seen anything like it, this was cupboard love in feline form. With 20 minutes of our time left, we bought another 2 packets of the smelly fishy paste, and hey, guess what Puss in Boots, eyes and all, surrounded us immediately. I very nearly felt like being the Ogre and came close to holding the sachet closed so these snooty little cupboard loving pussies could beg a little longer! Sachet empty and ...............................................poof gone! It passed an hour and at least it was better than yet another temple.

Stern words were had in the bunny burrow in the days that followed, we promised ourselves no more nice bunnies, and from now on we come from a tiny village somewhere unpronouncable, we totally dislike football preferring rugby, and this is our 14th time to Thailand. The spiel on the street is just so predictable, these simple amendments to the truth ensure we have little to nothing to talk about. Quick side note, Mr B had changed his tack and claimed we were from Liverpool, he suggested being from Manchester was being laughed at, bad football year apparently? Anyway he was about to utter these words to a rather unsavoury and stereotypical Thailand tourist ape, the kind totally off his head with drugs, and alcohol, here for `the scene man` from Liverpool, just practicing his boxing in the pool, when Mr B clocked at the last minute maybe even Liverpool was a bad idea and simply stated he preferred Cricket and Rugby. When asked why, he confirmed the said lout was an Everton fan and claiming to have been a 'red' might not have been wise??

Chiang Mai

We chose Chiang Mai most probably for the wrong reasons. We know now that watching the You Tube of a 20 year old backpacker for ideas prior to leaving the UK does not necessarily mean that her choices should be our choices. It is lovely no doubt about it, but when you are reliant on either public transport, taxis or a hired scooter,(which I add we have not hired) nowhere is particularly close. Yes, its got plenty of those temple doofers dotted about, but for heavens sake (literally) another temple? The whole area is surrounded by jungle, trekking and hiking is a big thing, hike to this waterfall, or that one...No!! Being in South America and surrounded by mountains begging to be walked or climbed was one thing, but here in high temperatures and higher humidity, we quite frankly cba. Little B took herself off to Chiang Rai after a couple of days to see for herself the must sees there (temple.temple.temple) whilst the two slightly more relaxed bunnies opted for short walks and nice meals. Pasta. I must add.

Pasta? In Thailand? Land of the best food and nicest people? Afraid so. Thailand was the country we were most looking forward to for the promise of cheap good food, beautiful beaches, palm trees and blue skies. Our reality was a bit of a slap in the face. Although we have found food that we like or can eat most everywhere, truth be known we are not really a fan. Thailand is also complicated. No doubt it is beautiful, but we haven`t as yet found that beauty. Our observations to date are as thus. It isn`t cheap. £15 for 2 breakfasts. Is that cheap? Weed/Cannabis is everywhere, and it stinks. Old or older white men and younger Thai women, or worse, older white guys and young men. Its cringy. You cant help the person with whom you fall in love with, but here its so `in your face`. When your vision of a typical Thai tourist is either hippie backpacker or old white guy, no top, tattoos, flip flops and a bald head, and you see that every day, you know your assumptions were correct. Endless amounts of the same ts, I know that goes for everywhere, but a 100 pink tie die dresses, and white shirts? As for elephant print? From being excited at home to owning a pair of comfortable and baggy elephant print trousers, to now seeing them absolutely everywhere, and not just trousers, shorts, shirts, t shirts, no thanks. The clientele is young, very young. The average age of anybody in Thailand must be 25 . Young people, especially young woman means tiny clothes. Why do they think it is acceptable, in heavily Muslim and Buddhist countries to walk around in shorts no bigger than a pair of knickers, and a barely there top? Call me old fashioned, but personally its just downright rude. Thailand, to date you are just not floating our boats.

Elephants, and Tigers. I said earlier that I would expand on the elephant sanctuary. In my naivety I really did not know there would be more than one or two elephant sanctuaries. Arriving into our hotel at Chiang Mai and finding 9 different leaflets, advertising `ethical` elephant sanctuaries , the reality smacked hard. I had done enough research in the UK to know that the word Sanctuary is overused, and used as a cover. A cover so that they can entice tourists using the ruse that they are somehow protecting the elephants. What on Gods Earth is `Ethical` about patting, bathing, feeding and riding elephants, day in and day out, and pretending its ethical and normal? If normal is avoiding close interaction in a zoo environment, or normal is keeping a very wide berth when encountering an elephant in the wild, how can normal be bathing them in a river surrounded by endless groups of people day in and day out? Has nobody at all considered how these elephants have become so placid? Whilst I cannot say for sure how these elephants are treated behind closed doors once all the ignorant tourists have left, I am going to leave the subject there for you to decide. Do your research people. Learn what is truly ethical, learn what is the true story behind these `sanctuaries`. In the Disney film Hunchback of Notre Dame, Esmerelda runs into Notre Dame and claims Sanctuary. She cannot be touched. The parting words are "you have chosen a beautiful sanctuary, but it is still a prison none the less"

Tigers. Just a few words here. Do you really want to come to a country where a tiger cub is paraded around in a bar for a few pounds? Or go on tour to a place where you can `cuddle a tiger`? Snake farms. I hate snakes. The more boxed snakes the better, but its wrong. They were here first. If they were here first, then they have a right to stay and its me that shouldn`t be here. Parading them in shows is wrong on every level. Talking of shows, do not get me started on Phuket Fantasea!! We are not going. We have no intention of going. Nobody should.

Phuket

It was never on our bucket list to come to Phuket. None of the bunnies wanted to come to such an over touristic destination, but when the flight here was £300 cheaper than our preferred destination, we opted to make the best of it and see what the fuss was all about.

Truthfully? We don`t know. Little Bunny opted to stay in the most tourist part of Patong Beach, Mr and Mrs B aimed for Karon. Little B, even out of season has likened Patong to Blackpool with the addition of the smelly aroma of weed, whilst Mr and Mrs B lasted one night in our hotel and promptly relocated to another hotel (we got a refund) in Phuket Old Town. Truth be known, none of us are particularly enjoying Phuket. The weather is awful, our first bad weather in months, weed is just a smelly constant and endless whistle blowing of the sodding street police is driving us up the wall. Will we be glad to move? You bet we will!

Ao Nang (pronounced ow nang)

With our initial plans to visit certain parts of Thailand hampered by unfavourable weather conditions, we opted to stay in the coastal town of Ao Nang, in the area of Krabi. Krabi itself is the city, think Manchester, Ao Nang is a small area, eg Stretford, on the beach. Once again however we found ourselves amongst many weed shops, more ts, endless massage parlours and countless bars, but we also found palm trees, two beaches, (not the kind with sunbeds and brollies) a mostly walkable promenade, and a little bit of space. Maybe this could be the Thailand that people crave? It could almost be described as pretty. Like anywhere in the rain, nothing is at its best. The town is far from busy, restaurants are a little expensive and mostly empty, the beach deserted. We are not on holiday. We have not spent thousands of pounds to be here, we are here to be, to enjoy, to relax, the days are our own and the need to see everything on every trip going far from our our minds. Little B did not have the best of bunny burrows, as burrow very much summed up her room deep in the heart of a hostel with no windows. With so much rain, she seldom ventured out, but on a day the rain stopped, and we managed a nice walk, I quickly messaged to her say, `if you are in, go out` a whatsapp message not too much later was a photo of the beach and a great big thank you. I have now added weatherman to my list of motherly duties. Mr Bunny quite liked the forest burrow in which we were staying whereas the whole place managed to annoy me from day one. A far cry from the promise of a traditionally decorated Thai dwelling, our room was as white, square and basic as any other we have stayed in. The floor was a skating rink in socks, and the promise of a tv remote with Netflix addition dashed when we were told it wasn`t a useable feature. A poorly designed room, sheets washed in something akin to bleach or other irritant, topped off by a breakfast served on a chopping board, just irked me to the last. Our only room decor a very well documented and priced, list of every single object in the room, including the wall mounted air con unit and the toilet. It just screamed, `we trust you but..` Damn, so annoying, I totally had my eye on the large wardrobe planning to tuck it under one arm as we left. With our plans to visit Kho Lanta scuppered by unfavourable sea conditions, I was somewhat delighted when Mr B said we could find a much better place for our last few days in Thailand. Still staying in Ao Nang, we started by finding little B a new burrow, one that was quite lovely and had both windows and a pool, whilst we fancied something more in keeping with our less than active bunny butts. We found Bluezotel sat just a little way back from the beach at the end of a small road, and it just ticked all our boxes. Two pools, nice rooms. tvs with Netflix, a gym with treadmill to while away any rainy times and a decent breakfast. For the first time in a very very long time, we were in a holiday hotel surrounded by people, mostly English, doing what people do on holiday. You know what? We felt like fish out of water. For a brief moment we felt as though we had found the Thailand that we had hoped for. The sun was shining, the sea was blue, the view from the rooftop quite fabulous, the infinity pools to die for, sun loungers and a pool side bar. But for me at least, reality was a little odd. We chatted to various guests who mentioned `x bar on the has fabulous food` Find `Y` for a great night out, Just going to order food at the pool bar with a few cocktails. Not to mention the flashy pool outfits, large cool mugs, beach bags and sarongs. It suddenly felt quite alien, at least for me anyway. When a woman spoke of their `trip`, and the fact that they were going to do a three centre stay but changed it to two because she couldn`t be bothered with all that repacking, I could barely keep my jaw shut. Two moves. As I write this, we are stay number 101. We cannot really say to people that our idea of a evening was 2 hours of essential planning, blogs, you tube and financial trading, a take away micro meal from 7/11 and Netflix at 8pm. Gone are our days of endless hours by the pool, shower, makeup, evening clothes and choosing nice restaurants. Would I do it again? Not a chance. Especially not to here. Why on earth would you fly 14 hours, to sit by a hotel pool, take a few trips and leave? Our hotel could be anywhere in the world. If you want hotel, pool, nice restaurant and leave, go nearer home. Thailand, or any country for that matter that takes this long to fly into, deserves to be explored. Do yourselves a favour. Pack rucksack, minimum stuff, and spend your two weeks giving it your best shot to see as much as you can. I had my day by the pool yesterday, it was enough, for both me and my phone (she says, admitting that it too went for a swim, then proceeded to lounge about on the sunbed drying out, baking itself into overcooked charred satay of electronic misery. ( Cue another visit to Samsung, and a huge kick up the bunny butt to damn well learn how to upload and save your entire photographic evidence of a 13 month round the world trip!!)see blog titled `lessons learned and how to not regret being an electronic and backpacking numpty`

A couple of things to add, it has been very quiet here, but one evening, on the day that we had beautiful weather, and incidentally the day we checked into this very nice touristy (Tui) hotel, it was though a whole raft of flights had suddenly landed into Krabi. It was odd going from quite local and Asian, to suddenly seeing rafts of whiter faces. Clearly faces and bodies that have not seen the sun for months. Have the holidays started by any chance?

OK. I confess. I hold my hand up. I was had. I know about the Ladyboys of Thailand. Who doesn`t?. Super glam, attractive guys, dressed like woman. Its a thing. Men dressed like women. Look at every cute girl with suspicious eyes (not that I personally have a desire to look at women) but just so that I knew which sex I was talking to. Bar, restaurant, hotel etc. Me? taken in by a ladyboy?, not a chance in heck. Waiting for little B to join us one evening, we sat for a while at a terrace bar, and people watched. Now, don`t forget there are shows everywhere. Suddenly showgirls started walking down the street, all heading in the same direction. Absolutely utterly fabulous looking girls, stunning figures, legs upto their armpits, impossibly high heeled shoes, and tits far larger than your average skinny bint who lounges on the beach. The dresses were sequinned affairs with splits to the crotch, head dresses of feathers and diamante. After nights of stopping in, I thought maybe it was a show we could see for a change. Little B arrived, we walked together past some of the girls, who then mimed to me, photo?? I just shook my head, said nah, knowing it would cost me, and carried on walking. The butchest voice ever then shouted after me, `suit yourself love` WTF!! I turned on a dime and little B absolutely killed herself laughing at me, when she clocked that I hadn`t twigged, These ladies, were in fact, the Ladyboys. Yep. they got me big time.

Thailand, you have been an odd country. You clearly have many places of interest, but are you now devoid of your tranquillity caused by the glut of over tourism, and a rather smelly acceptance of legalized weed. Like Bali, we find ourselves asking, `Would we return?` and again like Bali, the answer is probably No.

We thank you for your wonderful people, and kind hospitality, but we bid you farewell with few regrets about leaving.